Science gives us so much to enrich our lives: microchips to alert the library staff we’re stealing their books, the fabulous EMF ghost meter home sensor and of course, Viagra, to name but a few. Now science has given us a study that indicates headbanging is bad for you.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, this is the “Readers’ Digest” condensed version. Headbanging is a form of dance involving violently shaking the head in time with music, commonly rock and heavy metal. I have seen this and can say it seems, for its devotees, to have several advantages. One, you can dance alone; this is good because any dance wherein you could potentially knock out your partner does not lend itself to pairing up. Two, having a bad hair day is of absolutely no consequence—everyone is. Three, dancing ability is not required.

As to its origins, could be it descended from some Neanderthal tribal ritual depicted on cave walls in Germany. Alas, no. The year was 1970 and audience members at a Led Zeppelin concert were seen banging their heads against the stage in time to the music. (Note: if you do not know what Led Zeppelin is… Well, you’re more closely related to the Neanderthals than you know.)

Over the years, lots of anecdotal evidence has surfaced indicating headbanging is not good for you. Remember, anecdotal evidence is not scientific; it connects an interesting story with an event that could have caused it. It’s more along the lines of,  “Hey, dude! You think your ministroke could have something to do with all that headbanging we did at the concert last night?”

Headbanging the stage isn’t even required. Many people report chronic headaches, whiplash and concussions from air headbanging or maybe airhead banging. Anyway, if 27 people bounce their brains off the front and back insides of their skulls and 22 of them wind up with concussions, the two might be related. Wouldn’t you want to study this? Okay, me neither, but that’s only because we already know.

People have been banging their heads for years, mostly against walls at work, so everyone over age 25—boys, and age 4—girls (studies say girls mature faster than guys) knows if you bang your head too much, the result is you just ain’t right.

I tried headbanging once. I was doing my own research. Okay, I don’t know why I did it. I’m still young and impressionable and kind of stupid. I put on Marvin Gaye’s “Heard it Through the Grapevine.” You know, start out slow. I had longer hair and the whole swirling my head around worked pretty well. I didn’t get too nauseated or dizzy and my husband, Shad, said I was entertaining, but should ramp it up a bit as I looked like a buffalo with way too much hip movement. I cannot remember what we put on next due to the resultant concussion. I was shaking my head like nobody’s business, synchronized to the pounding music. I gasped for breath, my hair caught in my open mouth, and on a downbeat, I pulled a neck muscle causing me to bend sideways in pain. Looking up still on the spin, a tsunami of nausea overcame me, and I hurled my lunch on my husband, who had been stomping and clapping. This clearly means that for those beyond age 40, do not attempt this at home.

Cohea, a freelance writer, can be reached by e-mailing  a37_tao@hotmail.com.