I think I met myself yesterday. Or at least what could happen if I’m not careful. You see, I tend to carry on in conversations, filling them with details having little to no relevance to the story. I come by this trait honestly. My father’s five sisters and six brothers have all been droners. I am well-versed in the art of ‘apparent interest’ while mentally writing up the grocery list or wondering when Uncle GH will be clipping those curling nose hairs. I can also recognize the appearance of interest when it’s practiced on me. A two-edged sword, it does allow me to clue in when I digress to how granny ran out of names when she got to GH and strung alphabet letters together instead—oh, I’m doing it again!

I work in the “tourist” industry and I see a lot of people who I think have not spoken to another living creature for at least the past 20 years. They come to my information desk and ask for precious little information. They begin a monologue that leaves me wondering if they recently got out of solitary confinement at Guantanamo Bay.

So, as I was saying . . . see? A fellow came to my desk yesterday. After asking whether the sun would be setting in the west tonight—they always ask something obvious—he didn’t leave the desk. Now, this is a clue and continuing eye contact is a mistake. Eye contact implies tacit approval you will nod and smile for however long it takes. I did not break eye contact. I don’t know what I was thinking, probably wasn’t! I stood nodding and smiling, politely throwing in the random “Oh” or “Ah-ha” every so often for 30 minutes!

Here’s what I learned. Mr. Sundown retired five years ago, had a mid-level management job at a Michigan bank. His life-long passion is photography. Digital cameras—bad, old-fashioned film cameras (remember them?) good, really old studio cameras (you have to stick your whole head in) best, his brother-in-law died last year (presumably sticking his head in a studio camera had nothing to do with it), bought his RV used—what a mistake, should have sued the son-of-a-gun, his health isn’t the best, but what are you gonna do? The colonoscopy was a drag, he can’t eat tomatoes, has one leg shorter than the other, but you can’t tell unless you really watch him walk (which I would have loved to do, if he would only have walked away from my desk), loves to swim nude, fish, carries lots of cash. Hates ATMs, ATVs and ATV drivers, big rig trucks, motels, hotels, and isn’t fond of “fancy pants” Beds and Breakfasts. He’s in great shape for a man his age, his wife is “chubby.” His son is a lay-about, drinks too much, won’t settle down, has no direction, needs a different girlfriend—one who cooks.

Ultimately I was saved by a tiny little girl. She came out of our theatre at the end of the informational video, smiled at me and broke Mr. Sundown’s train of thought.

Listen folks! Teens on FaceBook reveal too much personal info? They have nothing on us old people! I got everything but Mr. S’s social security and credit card numbers. Next time, I’m Joe Friday, “nothing but the facts, sir, nothing but the facts.”

Cohea, a freelance writer, lives in Beaufort and can be reached by e-mail at a37_tao@hotmail.com.